


stay alive... for me

by wallabywanderer



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Blurryface Era, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Truce, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 17:53:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19010863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wallabywanderer/pseuds/wallabywanderer
Summary: Tyler walks the halls of his high school in a daze. He doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want the voice in his head telling him he wasn't good enough. He just wanted to find Josh, find his comfort in the music room.





	stay alive... for me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so I wrote this for a Creative Writing class, and I guess I just went with it. Let me know how you feel about it!

I walked through the hallway of the school, half- heartedly high-fiving the people who reached out to me as if I were a celebrity. _They don't care about you, no matter how many high-fives you get_ , the voice in my head whispered. I shook him off with a shake of my head. I´ll deal with that later.

I reached my locker and was immediately greeted by half the basketball team. Their conversations swirled around me, none directed towards me.

¨Bro, that three-pointer we made? Tyler was epic! All legs and arms and--¨

¨Tyler passed the school record for most three-pointers the other day!¨

¨He also made it onto the state Instagram!¨

_You´re just basketball to them_ , he whispered again, the voice banging inside my skull. I offered a weak smile to my crowd, made an excuse about getting to class early, and made my way towards Music Theory, my first and favorite class.

Although I would never admit it to anyone but Josh, music liberated me from the voice in my head. When I´m alone with my piano or my ukelele, Blurryface´s voice fades to black. Only Josh understands, who currently is sitting on the drum set in the corner of the music room, banging on the drums so hard I think they might break. Smiling, I plopped myself into the chair next to him and watched him finish his set. He slammed on the snare one last time and stretched his back, placing the sticks in the case next to the wall. Even in the dim room, Josh´s smile gleamed. We both understood that outside of this room, Josh had his friends and I had mine, but in here, we are safe.

His smile faded as he took in my dismal mood in the dim light. ¨Are your friends bothering you again? You don´t look so hot.¨

¨Oh please, I´m the hottest basketball boy on the team.¨ I offered a weak smile.

Josh nodded and smiled sadly, pointing to the empty, sad looking piano in the corner. Josh always knew what to do, how to make me feel better. Wordlessly, I made my way over to my corner and ran my fingers over the white keys. I felt some of my stress levitate and started to play the song I heard in my head this morning. I felt Josh´s eyes on me, but felt oddly comforted by the company as the lyrics of my head played on repeat.

The rest of the day went by like a blur. I released a breath of relief as the final bell rang and hustled to the locker rooms. I liked to reach the basketball court before the rest of the team to get some time alone with the hoops. The basketball slapping on the ground in the empty gym comforted me, and the rhythm created a song in my head. Finally, the music drowned out the voice of Blurryface in my head.

After a long and hard basketball practice, I rushed home to the safety of my room. I made sure my long sleeve shirt covered my new tattoo, the two bands above my elbow and the thinner band around my forearm. In two weeks I’ll be free from the tight restraint of my parents, _and in two weeks you will be all alone in the world_ , Blurryface responded to my thoughts. I took a deep breath, hoping Blurry will just blow away along with my exhale, and stepped inside the small Columbus home.

As soon as my foot crossed the threshold, my mom practically tackled me with questions.

“How was your day at school, honey? Any new friends? Did basketball practice go smoothly? Did you practice your three pointers? Did Coach pay attention to you? Where’s your game this weekend?”

I dragged my way up the stairs, away from my mom’s blubbering, and her voice rose to reach me.

“Tyler Robert Joseph I am still talking to yo--” She was cut off by the slamming of my door.

I slumped on my small creaky bed and heaved a sigh. I stared at my pale grey ceiling and tried to ignore the aching of my tired legs. I was exhausted. I was always exhausted. I don’t remember the last time I felt fully awake. _It’s really easy to give up, ya know_ , my friend whispered from within my skull.

“Blurry, I swear, if you don’t shut up…”

_What will you do, kill me?_

I turned over that thought. If Blurryface was just a figment of my imagination, why does he have to sound so real? If he’s in my head… if I want him gone… If I want to stay alive, I have to kill my mind.

_Good luck with that_ , Blurryface chuckled, and the sound I make when I’m happy boomed in my head. I shook my head and pulled out the notebook I hide under my bed. I opened to an empty page and scribbled “Sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind”. As I flipped through my scrapbook full of mismatched song lyrics, Blurry was pushed to the back of my mind. I was calm. Finally.

As I got ready for bed, I heard the garage door open. _Shit. Dad._ Blurry´s voice whispered. One thing we agreed on. My door opened and my dad´s wrinkled face peeked in.

¨Hey son. You ready for dinner?¨

¨Yeah. Did mom make pasta tonight?¨

¨You remember the rules right?” Oh no. ¨500 buckets or no dinner?¨

I knew all too well. I had to make 500 shots on the basketball court before I ate dinner. I sulked down the stairs, grabbed the basketball off the counter, and started counting out loud with each shot. Dad watched the first 20, but lost interest quickly and went inside.

I finally finished after dark, and went back inside to see that my family has already finished eating. _You still think they care about you?_ Blurryface taunted me. At least they left pasta and a clean plate. I ate hungrily and slumped my way to my bedroom.

As I finished getting ready for bed, I looked at my phone to find a text notification.

**Josh: You feeling any better?**

I smiled to myself and texted back.

**Tyler: It was a hard day. But yeah, thanks for checking in.**

I turned off my phone, set it to the side, and finally, the room faded to black.

* * *

 

I knew this hallway all too well from my nightmares. My legs ached as if I’ve been running for hours, but I don’t remember where I was and for how long I’ve been here. Exhausted, I whipped my head around to glance at what was behind me, but saw nothing. I knew it was there though. I sensed it. I slowed down to a walk. I was done fighting. I needed to face him again. I hung my head, defeated, and slowly turned around to look at my demon, and found myself staring right back at my face. The creature stared right back at me with the jawline that mirrored my own, the soft brown curls, but instead of my chocolatey-brown eyes, I found bright red. They bore into my skull as I backed up until my head banged against the cold wall of the dark hallway.

“Why don´t you torture someone else´s sleep?” I finally whispered timidly.

His mouth didn’t move, but his voice boomed within my brain. “You’re torturing yourself.”

The pounding in my head increased as I slammed my hands over my ears, trying to shut him out of my head. Even as I did, he walked closer, his crooked smile illuminated in the dim light. His breath fanned across my face, blowing my hair aside, and he sneered as I flinched. Before I could comprehend what was happening, a dark hand grabbed my throat and the air in my lungs blew out with a whoosh. He pushed me farther into the wall as I struggled against his grip, struggled to keep my feet on the ground. His sneer widened and he almost growled as he lifted me further up the wall. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t scream and he-- it -- seemed to enjoy every moment of my pain. His two red eyes became four, his crooked smile blurred. As my vision faded, I heard my own voice pound in my skull:

_“You are truly alone now.”_

I gasped and sat up on my bed. My sheets were twisted around me, capturing my arms and legs and pushed them against my body. I quickly untangled myself and ran down the stairs to the basement.

My ukelele sat in the corner of the room, leaning against a stand meant for a guitar. It didn’t fit the guitar stand well, but it flooded me with memories of Josh and Christmas day. I picked it up and plopped myself down the piano stool, brushing the strings softly. I strummed a chord softly, and the song that rang over and over in my head came rushing back. My voice quivered as I took a deep breath and whispered the lyrics in the safety of the dark.

Now the night is coming to an end

The sun will rise and we will try again

Stay alive, stay alive for me

You will die, but now your life is free

Take pride in what is sure to die

I will fear the night again

I hope I'm not my only friend

Stay alive, stay alive for me

You will die, but now your life is free

Take pride in what is sure to die


End file.
